We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
