when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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