she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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