it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
