so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
