What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
