I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
