Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
