The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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