oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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