Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Two words: nipple clamps
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