tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
