Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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