Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
