my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
