Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
