I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
