I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
