everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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