I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
