Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
