I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He passed out mid-signature
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
me + whiskey = a bad person
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
