you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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