im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
