i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
