So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
