Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
