Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
