Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
