it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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