I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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