i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
