he told me I talked like a deaf person
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
