You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
