youre lurking in front of me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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