I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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