he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Found your dick twin last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
