Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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