i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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