I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
