how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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