Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
