He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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