No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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