i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
