The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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