Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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