1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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