I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
