How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
