How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
