So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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