my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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