Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
